Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
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