Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
