He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
