Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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