I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
