my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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