the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
