I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize