Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
