she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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