is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
