Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
