: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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