i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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