If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize