i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
