What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
