Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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