It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
