i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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