sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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