I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
