didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
