tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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