Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
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