i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
