I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
