I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
