there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
