I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
