you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
should my penis look like a turkey
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
