What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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