the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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