If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
