I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
