the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
