Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
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