Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
