I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
