I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
