Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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