there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
