the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Randomize
