So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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