I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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