I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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