I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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