Pappa wants mamma naked
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
