that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
