I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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