you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I would ride that face into the sunset
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
