Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
