it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
