Where is the hickey?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
