I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
