at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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