could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
