So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The uberlube is also flammable
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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