ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
