god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize