and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
