I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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