Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Randomize
