he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
