I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
