those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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