She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Dignity is for republicans.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
