I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
