well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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