Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I intend to get homeless drunk
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Randomize
