omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
