Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I still have a little drunk in my system
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
