i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
