there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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