i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
