apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We named our party play list daddy issues
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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